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Saturday, May 3, 2008

Hell to the no

- decor bullocks -

"Hell to the no" is a new feature wherein I discuss/deride/make fun of common decorative touches that have wormed their way into the collective design consciousness. We will start with decorative balls. I hate decorative balls. No, actually "loathe" is a better word. I've never understood their purpose or reason for existence. When I see a heaping bowl of balls in someone's home, I shudder. Did their low-rent decorator say it would add a "touch of color?" By seeing these nasty little spheres of hideousness in so many interiors shops has that person been brain-washed into believing it's an upscale designer-y touch? Decorative balls, or (my favorite) "bowl filler," are purpose-less, unnecessary, and scream McMansion decorating.

- resin faux starfish -

Fake collectibles. If you can't find a real starfish on the beach, don't put a fake one on your coffee table. Displaying your collections is a way to surround yourself with your hopes, dreams, memories, and experiences. Do you really want to commemorate last Saturday's rainy day trip to the mall with a resin echinoderm from Pottery Barn?

- a water feature -

I blame the whole Zen-Feng Shui nuttiness of the Nineties for the birth of this hot mess. The appeal of a water feature is lost on me. How does a motorized box of tubing and pebbles with a long black dangling cord that becomes covered in brackish scale within a matter weeks convey a sense of meditative calm?


The Nerdy Fashionista said...

I laughed my ass off at this post... you are SO RIGHT about everything, ESPECIALLY the appalling "water feature." With very few exceptions, I don't like indoor architectural water features, either: it strikes me that adding something like that to an indoor environment is just begging for slips, floods, or mildew (or a hideous cocktail of all three).