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Friday, August 1, 2008

The good, the bad, and the ugly

Warm weather is to designer showhouses what moisture is to mushrooms. The newest to spring up is the fifth annual "Idea House," presented by Hamptons Cottages and Gardens magazine, located in Sagaponack, NY. Having participated as a designer in many a showhouse, I feel most qualified to snark on the good, the not-so-good, and Good Lord Man What Were You Thinking?.

The square footage of this 1860 farmhouse known as "Sunset Hill" was doubled by an ambitious Sag Harbor developer. If you're all about sticking a Kim Kardashian contemporary ass on a gentile old lady, then I guess the guy did an OK job.

I like where this living/dining room is going but the staircase is incredibly distracting. That's a showhouse for you, it's never the sum of its parts. Usually, it is the very definition of discombobulation. "Parts is parts" to quote a sage.

Rrrrow! A close-up of the tabletop, made of pieces of lumber from the original house. Shiver my timbers.

I can get behind (or on top of) these stair treads made of engineered lumber from discarded wood scraps and left unpainted and unfinished.

Ooooh! A yummy kid's room without a "theme" or craptastic faux painting. YAY!

Oops, I spoke too soon. One wall features a paper-covered wire hanger installation. Ms. Crawford would not approve.

This driveway is all sorts of wrong. Too many little green blobbules to focus on. Ugh.

Goddammit! This kind of shit is what I hate about showhouses. An un-upholstered antique wingback chair. WHY? It's not clever or cute or making any kind of statement other than "I'm a pretentious talentless twit who wants to create a stir and get my dorky hi-lo contempo-traditional wannabe room photographed." Mission accomplished, Mr. Aren't I Clever.

Phew, I feel better.



erin@designcrisis said...

I didn't know you were a designer?! I better up my game!

Raina said...

You two are brilliant. No worries.

Abbey Goes Design Scouting said...

i like those red chairs!

sherri said...

you are never allowed to see my children's rooms. I admit to cars and trucks on M.'s sheets and curtains. I won't get into W.'s room, they aren't truly "themed" but it would could be a deal breaker for our NC friendship (head held in shame).

sherri said...

yeah, I just said would could...what of it?

Raina said...

You're cracking me up, Sherri! Any woman who poses with the Hulk is alright by me.

sherry said...

Brahahahahah....that un upholstered wing chair comment cracked me up! I AGREE....WTF, you would not have that in a room in "real Life"....duh. I see so much of that in Show houses, and it does not move me. Period. End. Of. Story.