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Sunday, April 25, 2010

I have a request

The Pea feeds lorikeets.

We decided to go to the Denver Zoo this afternoon. After a few days of crap weather, The Pea needed to run loose. The rest of the tri-county area had the same idea - the place was packed.

What I want to know is when did the zoo become the place to audition for a VH-1 reality show? Seriously, I was aghast at what passes for appropriate behavior and dress these days.

Some idiot on a cellphone with a fake Louis Vuitton skin was bragging to a buddy that he was going to "git" a nesting goose. When I yelled,"Hey, Dumbass! Stop bothering that goose. Can't you see the 'caution' tape around her?", the moron came back with an oh-so-clever "How do you know that's even its nest?!?" before settling himself down.

So I have a proposition. If you fit any of the following criteria, would you please let me know when you'll be at the zoo so that I can adjust my schedule accordingly?:

1. You have more toes than teeth
2. You own Ed Hardy clothing
3. You have more "art" on your body than you do on the walls of your home
4. You're overheard uttering the words "You shoulda hit her twice as hard" into your cellphone
5. The word "carny" appears in your resumé

Kthxbai.

19 comments:

La Dolfina said...

What a bummer! A wise woman once said, "Life is too short to live ugly."
xo

nicole said...

I go to Central Park Zoo once a week... never noticed that kinda thing there, mostly tourists!

Makes you wonder who should be in the cages!

PS. Ed hardy. EW.

ModFruGal said...

I wonder why Jon Gosselin was in Denver?

my favorite and my best said...

wait til you git here...
atlanta is crawling with that sort of awesomeness..

Jamie said...

I think I saw that guys wife and mother in law at Home Goods this week. They were screeching "OH MY GAAAWWD, Isn't that AAAADORABLE" about absolutely everything. Both were in head to toe Ed Hardy. My favorite moment was listening to them try to pronounce Adirondack, hysterical. "Add, Addier, Aderianick, yes Aderanick". So wonderful to get to share the world with these morons!

ticklishfromadistance said...

Atlanta should be interesting!!!! Can't wait!

DREAMER'S DEN said...

welcome back to the good ole u s of a!

The Zhush said...

hmmm. isn't carny and Ed Hardy redundant? And...never come to the Bronx zoo...EVER...(this is also redundant)!

sherri said...

number four is givin me the heebeejeebeez. That picture of Pea is making me forget about all of this though, so cute.

David said...

I'm certain Ed Hardy is a harbinger of the epocalypse.

susieq said...

Somehow I think of Denver as way too cool to have issues #1, 4, or 5 above. And steel yourself girl. Atlanta may irk you no end.

Camilla @ Designalogue Blog said...

I flew a cheapie airline recently & Im sure I came across a few peeps that had all 5 points of your criteria - I swear I even saw someone wearing head to toe Ed Hardy -even their SUITCASE!
now that is KLAZZY!

Petra Voegtle said...

Don't want to comment on this sort of dumbasses because then they would throw me out of the internet.
But your little Pea - is that your daughter? - is the kind of kids I love - loving tenderly the animals - I can feel the sunshine coming from her face although I cannot really see it...

Raina Cox said...

Petra - That is my little one. And she does love animals. Thank goodness our cat is a very laidback furball.

You can click on "The Pea and LB" tag for more photos.

erin@designcrisis said...

Ha! Even thought it was only 20 minutes from our house, we crossed some imaginary line that separates Austin from Texas when we went to the county fair this weekend. Scary stuff. Then we topped off our trip to middle America with dinner at the Texas Roadhouse.

I was never so happy to get home. Hopefully Ike did not pick up any bad habits during our short stay.

Teri said...

Isn't this the truth!!!! The most interesting characters frequent the San Antonio zoo. I almost makes you not want to go.

I am always shocked at the adults throwing junk food into cages and hitting the glass- when the signs clearly say not to.

Jill said...

"Carny"...laughing!

Leigha said...

So, then, you like Denver?
{Sarcasm!}
Your blog is hysterical. I will be back for more smiles and more inspiration.

Raina Cox said...

Leigha - Hello and welcome to this deliciousness!