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Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Who does Miz Sandra Lee think she be?


Good Lord, Dumplings, it's been a day.  I'm finally over the tummy troubles and 12 lbs lighter.  We had someone dicking around and causing us all manner of financial havoc this morning.  That's now sorted.  I wrote perhaps my best Moonlighting post yet for Curbed National.  It's set to go up tomorrow.  The Pea was in full spaz mode bouncing off every surface in the house while brandishing a foam sword and singing "Twinkle Twinkle" at the top of her lungs.  WHEE!

So I was only too happy to see an email from the lovely Lauren in Detroit requesting I snark on an article about Sandra Lee from the new issue of Vogue.  Madam, your wish is my command.


A hapless reporter is set upon by the Tablescape Snow Queen immediately upon entering her Mt. Kisco, NY home:

“Hope you don’t mind taking your shoes off,” Lee says, opening the front door and handing me a pair of fluffy slippers. As soon as I walk into the living room, I understand why. A creamy carpet covers the entire floor, a family of decorative polar bears frolics on the sideboard in artificial snow, an enormous silver tiger reclines on a mother-of-pearl coffee table, and in the fireplace are—what else?—white birch logs that are clearly never going to see a match."

My initial impression?  Batshit control freak who alphabetizes her underwear brands and only allows her boyfriend (who visits the weekends he doesn't have the children) conjugal interludes once the Pratesi bath sheets have been placed on the bed.

But I could be wrong.

29 comments:

Blue Fruit said...

Well being sick & other dramas obviously didn't effect your sharp sense of snarkness one little bit!

Thank you for the fab chuckle!

only a movie said...

Twelve pounds? That must have been some bug.

Hope you get some down time soon. xo

Raina Cox said...

OAM - Twelve pounds in two days. It was BRUTAL.

Felicity said...

Nope, I think you've well and truly pinned the tail on that donkey.

And speaking of sick, where would one go to [hmm, you know] in a house this pristine? Just asking..

Felicity x

Robin said...

Holy cow, woman you make me laugh.

To me she is the Mardi Gras version of Martha Stewart. All tacky glitter and sparkle and too much sugar and then you feel like crap the next day.

One wonders if she would have been in Vogue if her BF wasn't the governor of NY.

Appletree said...

glad you are feeling better. 12 pounds is almost worth it no?

sanctuaryhome said...

Sure doesn't look like a house where you would serve the "semi-homemade" crap she makes on her show. That second photo is trying way too hard to be all first ladyish. Her whole world seems like the set of stepford wives, creepy!

Alcira Molina-Ali said...

Ha! This is rich!
12 pounds huh? Jesus, and to think I'm bragging on a measly 5 lb-drop over at Nero -- that's practically like parting the seas with a butter knife.
Must've been incredibly rough -- like cholera or some such.
So glad you're back and rearing to go.
Can't wait to read your latest Curbed opus.
Cheers, Alcira

nerochronicles.com

TheBeautyFile said...

My friend worked at the Food Network and said she is total trash. Basically she made it to the top "the old fashioned way." You can interpret. LOL

Paula (Eggshell Blue) said...

Two cow posts in one week!

Raina, you're fast becoming one of my favourite 'daily dose of...' bloggers. Hope you're feeling better, stomach bugs are the worst.

David said...

I love my home (when its not under reconstruction). I love gorgeous upholstery fabrics and beautiful rugs. I love pale grays and sometimes I even love white.

That said, a life without great shoes ON my feet and a house full of dogs and big glasses of red wine and all sorts of things that might leave a stain simply isn't worth living.

Jane @ the girl in the brick house said...

I think you've hit the nail on the head! And that sounds a cruel way to lose weight!

autrichenoire said...

In my neck of the woods,entering someones house with (outside)shoes on is the single most offensive, rude and sure way to get your hostess reaching for the provebial smelling salts....a different culture I guess.

classic • casual • home said...

Hey? Weren't those slipper comfortable? I wore ski boots all day and slippers sound heavenly.

Can we get more of the "low down"? I will check out Curberd National. I thought she had a bunch of hardships?

Glad you are feeling better...your clothes must not fit anymore.
Mary Ann

Camilla @ Designalogue said...

I dont know who Miss Sandra Lee is, but I know I wouldnt like her.

Sharon @ Real Estate Resuscitation said...

Sandra Lee sort of freaks me out.

Interior Design Musings said...

Sooo needed this post today. I am doing a drapery install for a client today (least favorite job). Also, 12 huh - Kinda (I did say kinda) wishing for a stomach bug before Spring break! M.

Nicole P. said...

@TheBeautyFile - I don't dispute the veracity of whatever your TV pal told you, and it certainly rings true to me, except - if women could truly fuck our way to the top, don't you suppose we actually would have by now?

I know I'd rather have the option of just sucking it and calling it a day, but then again I don't think I could handle all the extra stress that a big promotion, excess cash, a corner office, and real power would bring to my life.

erin@designcrisis said...

Raina, you are back and better than ever!

But, 12 pounds?! Goodness, lady, go treat yourself to a heaping helping of kugel, pronto.

Nick @ Cupboards said...

Initial impression likely correct... I had no idea she was like this. Then again, I could only tolerate her in 30-second intervals to begin with.

dwr said...

Did anyone see the imfamous Kwanzaa cake episode of her show? Truly terrifying and hysterical to watch. Corn nuts, apple pie filling and dinner tapers on an angel food cake? It was a culinary hate crime.

lemondropdreams said...

"Old wire hangers"? Visions of Mommy Dearest are playing in my head! Glad you're feeling better, what a great way to lose weight before swimsuit season!!

Raina Cox said...

TheBeautyFile - Hello to you and welcome to this deliciousness!

dwr - Don, that was the worst thing in the history of food television.

Lauren in Detroit said...

1. Did she spray paint that knife block & the knives white?
2. I wonder if she got that tiger at Zoinks. And that craptastic trunk she put a piece of glass on.
3. How on earth did the photographer get the Snow Queen to hold a living, breathing creature in this room? I can see her arms in all their figure-skater-fabric glory flailing if it pooped in her hand after this shot.
4. Anthony Bourdain probably said it best: "This is simply irresponsible programming. Its only possible use might be as a psychological warfare strategy against the resurgent Taliban–or dangerous insurgent groups. A large-racked blonde repeatedly urging Afghans and angry Iraqis to stuff themselves with fatty, processed American foods might be just the weapon we need to win the war on terror.”

alison@MyLittleHappyPlace said...

Did Bourdain actually say that? Ha!
Yeah, she apparently had a rough upbringing, which may or may not account for her lack of taste, but bottom line: She's laughing her ass all the way to the bank.

Evie said...

aahhhhh hahaha, she drives me crazy! I'm glad to hear that she herself is also crazy.

Julie @ Chapman Interiors said...

Oh, that is EXACTLY like my house. I love to make sure everyone knows I'm richer and skinner than they are. And whiter.

Alexis L., The Studioist said...

That room...It's like she ordered a bunch of stuff from Fingerhut and dipped it all in white paint.

Raina Cox said...

Evie - Hello and welcome to this deliciousness!