A scene from the new series "Vanilla Ice Goes Amish."
(That is not the punch line to a decorating joke.)
Twenty-seven new series are coming to HGTV and the DIY Network over the next year. 27. Two seven.
They include "Vanilla Ice Goes Amish" (see cringe-inducing photo above); a competition show with the two mouthbreathers from "Property Brothers"; "The Rev. Run Project" starring the holy man of the 1980s rap group Run DMC; Darryl Hall of the 1980s soft pop duo Hall & Oates renovating a 1700s Connecticut farmhouse; and a new show from 1980s TV star Bronson Pinchot sure to feature him touring Greece and Rome while stealing Classical statuary under the cover of darkness. I sense advertisers are aiming at Gen X-ers.
"Additional new series include 'Renovation Unscripted', featuring Emmy-award winning actress Heather Tom from 'The Bold and the Beautiful' and 'The Young and the Restless', 'Flip or Flop', 'Catastrophe Inc.', 'Renovate to Rent' and 'Staged to Perfection'." Wow! They all sound so unique and original!
"Renovation Raiders" will surprise homeowners returning from a dinner out with a room made over in four hours. And the old geezer "Design Star" will be retooled and retitled "HGTV Star." Rest assured the illustrious panel of judges featuring people nobody has ever heard of outside the design blogosphere will remain with the addition of Target shill Sabina Soto. Slow-witted but pretty host David Bromstad will stay on as host. I know you are relieved.
It Works Out to a New Show a Week for the Cable Giant [The New York Times]
HGTV, DIY add shows [The Denver Post]
HGTV Announces Nine New Original Series During 2013 Upfront Presentation [The Futon Critic]