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Tuesday, January 6, 2015

5 design trends that need a time-out

We are nearly a week into the new year. You are juicing, cleansing, and sporting new lycra workout pants that will soon become your enh-I'll-just-run-to-Macy's-in-these pants. You are doing next-level yoga poses that make Hilaria Baldwin look like a low-rent fame wh- oh wait. Any way, you have plans and are making changes! And why not? 2015 is a nice, solid number. It feels like a good year, a great time to make a fresh start.

So, Dumplings, why don't we all pledge to making decorating better and put a halt to overdone design trends? If we hold hands and invoke Paul Lynde's powder room, we can change the world.

Let's start with five design trends that have shown tremendous staying power. Three are decorating classics, resplendent in their resurgence but have, nonetheless, overstayed their welcome. One is a modern play on a century-old design. And one makes me believe the future Idiocracy predicted is much closer than we think.

1. Beni Ourain and Boucherouite rugs

 He's emptied out an Atlas mountain village 
and promised them goods from the distant land of Karastan.

I'm pretty sure the people of Morocco have exported every last Beni and Bouche from their country and are now bringing in wall-to-wall from Shaw Carpet Mills. West Elm has one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine versions of these rugs. The saturation point has been reached.

2. Chesterfield leather sofas

 See, you can't give Americans anything nice.

It's tufted! It's British!! It's leathuh!!! Actually, anything that's become the international symbol for Restoration Hardware should be permanently banned from the annals of decorating. Because...

"Restoration Hardware - We furnish New Jersey."

3. Hicks pendants
 "Happy Birthday! We got you balls!!"

Thomas O'Brien could run his Aero Studio at a loss for the next several decades from what he's made on his warp-speed iconic Hicks pendant. Contrary to popular opinion, this is not a versatile light fixture. It looks good only in kitchens designed by Steven Gambrel, fitted with Smallbone cabinets and handcrafted subway tile the thickness of a baby's arm. Only only only and no place else. Plus, they look like testicles.

4. Words on walls

 "NoNoNoNoNoNoNoNoNo" and you can quote me on that.

Thank the Decorating Gods (fyi - they're names are Dagny, Sylvia and Frank) vinyl decals of phrases, quips and musings have all but disappeared from the modern decorating lexicon. But they have been replaced by the insipid framed quote. Dumplings, I know you can think for yourselves and whatever point you have to make is 800 times deeper than the center quote above.

5. Serge Mouille lighting

 Needs a Serge protector.

Classic, brilliant, and done-to-death because the $345 knock-off is almost impossible to distinguish from the $7610 original. And if you're spending nearly $8K on a flimsy floor lamp not built by Jesus Christ himself, you should be slapped.


Jeannine | The Small and Chic Home said...

I love you. And I'm from Jersey.

ita darling. said...

PHEW! I am so glad i squeaked through this round! I can honestly say that I have never been caught with my decorating pants down in any of your lists, and I have been following you a LOOOONG time..

Kerry Steele- Design du Monde said...

Amen! I think Beni rugs look like they must smell like a bachelor pad and I have always been against words on walls...I have books for those. While I have long loved Chesterfield sofas, I agree that RH has ruined them among other things that Gary Friedman claims to have invented.

Debra Phillips said...

i'm here in atlanta readying for market where everything is dizzyingly the same
i am the anti RH and when ideas reach target, it is indeed (quotes) FINI
this post could have a part 2, 3,........

An Urban Cottage said...

Haha! Serge protector is genius!

House of Pemberley said...

You rock my world. Absolutely agree with every single selection. Thank you.

Interior Design Musings said...

If I had a nickel (ok, who are we kidding a hundred dollar bill) for every client who has shown me an image from RH catalog when discussing their space, I would be a happy woman. M.

Kim@The Green Room Interiors said...

What!?! I'm happy to report I have NONE of the items on your list. That being said, I'm at the tipping for for Chinoiserie-esque items at my place. I've honestly loved it for decades and it makes my heart hurt to see so many greek key, foo dog and pagoda motifs everywhere. Oy. Also, so happy to see you back at it. The blogosphere is better when you're in it.


Linda {Calling it Home} said...

I feel bad for Jersey, it can never catch a break....and I agree. I don't have any of these, either. You entertain me in the best way.

Nancy {at} powellbrower at home said...

I. Love. You. You are such a great writer, I have missed you! xo Nancy

Keri said...

I only have 2 of the 5 but they are somewhat tucked away so I''m feeling pretty good about it ;) happy to have the snark back mama!

eddielicious said...

Oh what a thrill to come back from vacation (sad) and find out you have returned (happy)!!! You are my favorite blogger, I have sooo missed my daily dose of snark. No one does it better than you. Wishing you a happy new year and hope you and your daughter start feeling better. Laura

Raina Cox said...

eddielicious - Thank you, Laura! You're such a love.

Marcheline said...

Well, how about not only "words on walls" but "handmade signs on food"... all of this chalkboard labeling of cheese and wine and crackers and ... ewwwwwww, just too much cutesy labeling everywhere!!! Like people at a wine and cheese party give a toss about what kind of stuff they're shoving into their gob after half a bottle of wine. I blame it all on Pinterest.

of this earth said...

Oh, man that Resto Hardware picture is sadlarious. Because if there were ever an object that embodied the absolute antithesis of "carpe diem" it would have to be a ginormous, overpriced, faux-antique sofa, right?

penelopebianchi said...

I love you all. I agree with everything on this post....every single comment....all of it.

Can we just start today and everyone stop saying "RIGHT"????

After ever statement? Am I the only one who notices this?

Please? I would like to lose "right?"

And "pop!" any way??? What say you?????

penelopebianchi said...

I forgot to give you a HUGE compliment!

IN early blogging days there was a very funny blogger who was snarky but not really mean....."Decor"!

then she got really mean. And then she stopped blogging!

You are funny and snarky without being mean! Long may you reign!!