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Friday, February 6, 2015

A decorator in Colorado

Neither of these women is me.

The scene: A group of Colorado mommies and I are waiting outside our children's school for pick-up.

Colorado Mommy #1: "Where did you buy passes for the season?"

Me: "I don't ski."

All eyes pop over to me. An air of confusion envelops the group.

Colorado Mommy #2: "Well, where do you like to hike?"

Me (becoming visibly nervous): "I don't hike. But I do walk around the neighborhood sometimes."

The group shifts as a whole and turns towards me.

Colorado Mommy #3: "Do you bike?"

Me (beads of sweat may be forming on my brow): "Uh, no."

Looks of hostility, enmity and possibly pity break out on the women's faces.

Me (my voice rising an octave): "Have you seen the new Kate Spade for West Elm collection? It's so cute!"

The bell rings and children begin to rush out of the school. 

Relief washes over all of the mommies.

9 comments:

Kerry Steele- Design du Monde said...

I have been in that scene but the mommies are discussing their favorite inane TV habit and can't understand that I don't have the patience for reality TV or soap operas.

Pigtown*Design said...

I've been in the scene where all the mommies talk about their children, exclusively. And by mommies, I mean my siblings. And by exclusively, I mean excluding me from participating in the conversation because I don't have children. And believe me, my dog doesn't count in this conversation.

Peeke said...

This is why I park down the street and have my children walk to the car. I tell people it's to foster independence in my kids, but really it's because I don't want to talk to the other moms. Lol...

One of my all time favorites was the chippy mom who wore her "Have you heard about that crazy wrap thing?" promotional shirt to pick-up everyday for 3 months straight. It took 3 months for her to realize no one wanted to ask her about that crazy wrap thing and give it rest.

jason said...

I have never heard any of these words in New Orleans.
Are they speaking a foreign language??

A Perfect Gray said...

oh, how we have missed you. this post is just case in point. so happy you are back with us....donna

Sharon Brown said...

I love you SO MUCH. That is totally me! As my aunt says, "The mothership left so few of us." However, I did buy the most awesome bicycle known to mankind when I lived in England. It isn't exactly designed for exercise though, more leisurely rides with a picnic (or a small dog) in the front basket. I have the big wicker basket on the front. I have the blue one:http://www.pashley.co.uk/bikes/bicycles/poppy.php

Sharon Brown said...

PS - I detest skiing of any sort. Leave me in the lodge or boat.

home before dark said...

You have your own sisterhood right here. When I was in college I went hiking with my boyfriend and another couple. (I hate hiking). When we got to the top of the mountain, three of them were yelling things to hear the echo. I let out a mournful, "Heathcliff". It pleased me to hear it circle the space. My boyfriend looked at me with horror and said, ''What made you say something like that."

It took me a while but I did trade in that that hiker/backpacking/scientist kind of guy for an English major/lawyer who most importantly had a dramatic mom and grandmother. He would have loved Heathcliff. Just a long way round to say, sometimes you can't change the minds of Mommies you are with...you just gotta' change Mommies!

Nicole said...

I'm right there with you. I used to live in VT where people thought you were insane if you didn't ski/snowshoe/hike/mountain bike/mush dogs. Now I live in Encinitas, CA. It's the yoga capital of the US with more yoga classes per capita than anywhere else! Also, it's a serious surf destination. Guess what? I don't surf (duh) and I haven't been to a yoga class in months, which makes me very unpopular at kid pick up. I DO KNOW how to drink and curse so those habits make me popular at Bunco (a drinking dice game for Moms). You gotta find yourself a Bunco group, it makes me feel like I fit in even for just a little...